For a long time, I thought I was doing self care wrong.
In my early fifties, I noticed that the things I’d relied on for years just weren’t helping in the same way; you know, the expensive creams, the face masks, and a good old-fashioned aerobics class.
I realised that a hot bubble bath and candles felt strangely hollow.
This self care routine used to work wonders in my 30s and 40s, but it just didn’t hit the mark anymore now that I was in my fifties.
Why?
I just couldn’t find a way to relax.
What confused me most was that nothing was obviously wrong (spoiler alert – there was!)
If you’re here because self care feels different now – heavier, less effective, or harder to access – this post is here to say one simple thing first:
You’re not failing at self care, you’ve simply outgrown an old version of it.
So this is what I want to discuss today.
This is what self care for women over 50 actually looks like now, and why that change matters.
Why Self Care Feels Different After 50
By the time we reach midlife, we’re carrying more than we realise.
Decades of responsibility
Emotional labour
Adaptation
Showing up
Holding things together quietly.
Add to that hormonal changes, a more sensitive nervous system, and a body that no longer rebounds on demand – and suddenly the old ways stop working.
In my early fifties, I started noticing consequences where there hadn’t been before.
Busy days led to poor sleep.
Pushing through left me wired but exhausted.
Ignoring my body’s signals didn’t bounce back
… it all compounded.
This is often when women start thinking
“I should be coping better than this.” “I used to handle more.” “Why do I need so much rest now?”
Nothing has gone wrong.
Your system is responding appropriately to a different stage of life.
The Kind of Self Care We Were Taught No Longer Fits
Most of us were taught a very specific version of self care.
Self care as improvement. Self care as discipline. Self care as something you do so you can keep going.
In my late thirties and forties, that model worked well enough. It rewarded effort, it matched the pace of life, and it helped me juggle everything without questioning the cost.
But that version of care is designed for endurance, not sustainability.
After 50, self care stops being about optimisation and starts asking deeper questions:
What drains me now?
What restores me now?
What feels safe in my body now?
Trying to force old routines into a changed inner landscape often creates more tension, not relief.
What Self Care for Women Over 50 Is Really About Now
This is the quiet shift many women sense but struggle to name.
Self care after 50 becomes less about performance and more about protection.
Protection of your energy.
Protection of your emotional bandwidth.
Protection of your body’s signals.
For me, this meant choosing rest without justification.
Saying no earlier.
Letting my body set the pace instead of arguing with it.
At first, that felt uncomfortable, even selfish. Over time, it felt stabilising.
Self care now is less about becoming better and more about staying well.
Emotional and Mental Self Care Matter More Than Ever
One of the biggest changes is that emotional care moves to the centre.
At midlife, you can no longer bypass how you feel and expect your body to cooperate.
Emotional exhaustion shows up physically, unprocessed stress lingers, and old coping mechanisms stop cushioning the impact.
I didn’t expect self care to involve more honesty. But that’s what it became.
Letting myself feel tired instead of correcting it.
Naming overwhelm instead of powering through.
Allowing emotions to move without analysing them.
Mental and emotional self care isn’t about fixing your thoughts; it’s about creating enough inner safety that you don’t have to brace yourself against your own life.
Why Self Care Now Looks Simpler (Not Smaller)
Many women worry that needing less stimulation or fewer routines means their world is shrinking.
In reality, simplicity often creates more room to breathe.
Self care for women over 50 tends to become quieter:
Fewer commitments
Gentler rhythms
More recovery time
Smaller, steadier pleasures
What surprised me most was how much relief came from doing less, not out of defeat, but discernment. I wasn’t withdrawing from life; I was choosing one I could actually inhabit.
This isn’t a loss of capacity, it’s a refinement of it.
Letting Go of Guilt Around Rest and Boundaries
This is where many women get stuck.
We’ve been conditioned to associate worth with output, care with productivity, and rest with reward.
So when rest becomes a need rather than a treat, guilt often follows.
I remember how long it took me to stop explaining my boundaries, to myself as much as anyone else. To stop earning rest. To trust that needing quiet didn’t mean I was failing or becoming less.
At this stage of life, boundaries are not selfish; they are supportive structures. They protect your nervous system and preserve your emotional steadiness.
That, too, is self care.
Self Care as a Relationship, Not a Routine
Perhaps the most important shift is this:
Self care stops being a checklist and becomes a relationship.
A relationship with your body.
With your energy.
With your inner yes and no.
Instead of asking, “What should I be doing?”
The question becomes, “What supports me today?”
That answer changes – and that’s the point.
When self care is relational, it evolves with you. It doesn’t demand consistency; it asks for attention.
And over time, that attention rebuilds self-trust.
Final Thoughts
Self care for women over 50 isn’t about reclaiming who you used to be.
It’s about responding honestly to who you are now.
If things feel different, it’s because they are. And that difference isn’t a problem to solve; it’s information to listen to.
This stage of life isn’t asking you to try harder.
Claire Bullerwell has been building home-based businesses since 1997 and now writes for women over 50 about gentle income, midlife manifestation and creating a calmer, more aligned life.
